Man's Best Friend Album Review

This ones a little different. I like music, I'm sure everybody does, but I'm not a connoisseur. I don't know anything about music theory and I've never written a full album review. Honestly, this is probably better described as "notes I took while listening to the album" than a proper review, so maybe don't hold your expectations too high.

I'm sure by the time I finish writing this, any buzz surrounding Man's Best Friend will probably be old news anyway. But I've been trying to be less inhibited, and I thought with all the weird talk surrounding this album, my take might actually be useful for once.

There is a lot of discourse surrounding the rollout of Sabrina Carpenter's seventh studio album.

I just want to state that, for the record, I have not read/watched any other reviews of this album, or any interviews with Sabrina covering it. I think that the album should speak for itself. I heard a few people give their takes on the lead single when it first came out, and I've been forced to hear every shmuck with a keyboards thoughts on the cover art, but I've gone out of my way to avoid anything relating to the album proper. All of these opinions are 100% my own, not taken from anyone else, not jumping on any bandwagons.

I can't help but feel like a lot of people made up their mind about the project before ever hearing a single note. In an age were critical thinking is (supposedly) on the decline, I wanted to give this album a fair and unbiased review, as someone who isn't a stan or a hater, and just wants to hear some fun pop music!

So, what's Man's Best Friend really like?

Individual Songs

Manchild

Manchild was everyone's first taste of the album and, without a shadow of a doubt, the best song on the album. It's the best produced, best performed, and has the best music video. It was the lead single for the album and any hype I had for the album came solely from this song.

If it wasn't obvious, I like this one a lot! I could go on all day picking out all the little bits that tickle my ears just right. There's a lot of fun little adlibs and clever lyrics. I like the way she sings "stupid" and "useless". I love the harmonizing/vocal layering on the second half of the bridge. My favorite part is probably how it builds up to the final chorus. It feels so grand and epic. I don't know how to explain it, but I guess I'm just really nostalgic for when pop songs sounded cinematic, but like fun cinematic, not Halsey/Imagine Dragons serious trailer music cinematic.

For what it's worth, I also thought the song was supposed to be somewhat self-deprecating. That's probably not the right word but I hope people will know what I mean. Like, there's the whole "amen, hey men" line. When she sings "I swear they chose me I'm not choosing them", it sounds like she's trying to convince herself more than anyone. I've seen some people take those lines very literally, but I don't think they're supposed to be.

Is Manchild the best song ever? No. It's still a very good pop song though. It set my expectations very high for the album.

Tears

Tears is basically Manchild Jr. It's the second song on the album and the second single. It covers the same topic as Manchild, though I guess this one has a slightly more sarcastic spin on it. I love the intro, with the piano and the "shikitah", and finally the drums coming in a little after. I also liked the part with the whispering and the dance break. Very fun!

The lyrics here aren't as good as Manchild's. I don't expect sophisticated, flowery writing from pop songs, but there's just not a lot going on here. Nothing catchy or quotable aside from maybe the chorus. Maybe she just used up all her good ideas on the previous song.

I'm not a huge fan of the stripper pole in the music video. What I like about Sabrina is she's good at wordplay and innuendos, her just straight up stripping is a bit too unsubtle for my taste. It feels like the visual version of "saying the quiet part out loud", if that makes sense. I promise your audience is smart enough to know what this song is about, Sabrina, you don't have to spell it out for us.

Overall, I do like the song, it's upbeat and catchy, but it feels like it's retreading a lot of old ground.

Tracks 3-6

The next handful of songs are My Man on Willpower, Sugar Talking, We Almost Broke Up Again Last Night, and Nobody's Son.

When I first listened to the album all of these songs just went in one ear and out the other. For the life of me, I could not remember any of the lyrics or hum any of the melodies. After relistening they've stuck with me a little more, but I'm still not that impressed.

It was at this point that I realized that this album wasn't going to be the fun summer pop album that the singles might have suggested. These next several songs are about her and her boyfriends relationship going south and then eventually breaking up. That's fine. Albums don't have to be about just one thing and there are a lot of great break up songs/albums out there. The issue I have is that this album feels like it's treading the same few ideas over and over again. I fell like some of these songs could've been combined together. Probably better to have a couple whole-assed songs than several half-assed songs.

These songs aren't very introspective. Typically, I wouldn't criticize that from a pop album, but the instrumentals here are so much slower and stripped back compared to the other songs, it really forces you to focus on the lyrics. I guess, technically, telling me "this guy sucks" over and over again does say something about her feelings towards him, but not a lot. Then again, Sabrina Carpenter isn't a singer-songwriter, so maybe I'm expecting too much.

To be honest, if all these songs are about the same guy, I'm kind of siding with him in this situation. Sabrina constantly refers to him as sensitive and, later in the album, "fruity". His biggest sins are not wanting to have sex 24/7, buying real flowers, and using big words. If she's singing about a real person then we might have a very rare case of a sensitive, romantic guy getting with a woman who only wants him for his body. I'd call it subversive if it wasn't so sad.

Never Getting Laid and Don't Worry I'll Make You Worry

Never Getting Laid and Don't Worry I'll Make You Worry are the 7th and 10th tracks on the album respectively, but I'm jumping around a little because these songs are very similar lyrics-wise. Like the previous handful of songs, the production takes a backseat while the performance and lyrics take center stage.

I'll be blunt, Sabrina is really unlikable in these songs. I don't believe that music has to be pleasant or can't depict bad people doing bad things. God knows, there's a lot of songs I like were worse people say/do worse things. I guess I just don't understand why Sabrina feels the way that she does on these songs.

"I just hope you get agoraphobia some day"

"Boy, I know where you live"

"You think that I'm gonna fuck with your head?
Well, you're absolutely right"

"That emotional lottery is all you'll ever get with me"

"I'll make you worry like no other girl can
So don't worry
I'll leave you feeling like a shell of a man"

It's just "Yep! I'm being shitty to my (ex-)boyfriend!". Okay, but why?

Is this revenge? or a threat? Did he do something to you first? Neither of the songs mentions that. Is this a parody? There are a lot of great songs out there that play on the "crazy ex-girlfriend" trope, or subvert tropes of women being weak/submissive. I guess these songs technically do the latter, but they don't really feel pointed enough to be called parodies. It's not a character study. At no point is there any self reflection. It's not "I treat men like shit and here's why". They don't even go far enough that you could call either of them a wacky farce. In the end, I'm just left confused and uncomfortable.

When Did You Get Hot?

This one has a slightly different theme. It's about reuniting with someone you knew as a kid and finding them attractive as an adult. The concept is interesting, but the execution is underbaked.

I like the melody and the vocal layering during the verses. I also found the "big riff" part pretty amusing when I first heard it, but the rest of the song is very forgettable. I refuse to believe that the same people who wrote Juno or Bed Chem couldn't come up with anything better than "take me to naked Twister back at your place". That's something I'd expect out of a mean-spirited, Bart Baker-style parody of Sabrina, not the real artist.

Go Go Juice

Go Go Juice is one of the more interesting songs on the album. It's definitely one of the more fully realized tracks. I feel kind of conflicted about this one. When I first heard it it just made me sad, but I had to relisten to it multiple times to write this review and in that time I think it's grown on me quite a bit.

I find the way she sings "well fuck" especially satisfying. I like the melody on the chorus and how the instrumental cuts out halfway through the second chorus (when she sings "girl who's been dumped"). I also like the little triangle at the start of the second verse after she says "ring ring ring". Compared to all the half-assed songs on this album, this one sounds not only finished, but polished! It's also a topic that she hasn't covered before to my knowledge.

Sabrina gives a very good vocal performance. She's not belting or anything, but she's a very good "vocal actress" if that makes sense. She plays her "character" and delivers her "lines" very well. It's like hearing a characters song in a musical.

As for the negatives, I'm not sure how serious this song is. I guess that's more of a me problem than the songs problem, though. Is this supposed to be self-deprecating, or am I just stupid? Is Sabrina's drinking problem supposed to be sad? Cute? Funny? Sexy? All of these? None of these?

I'm also not a huge fan of the subtle homophobia.

"Got a soft spot for a bev' and a boy that's fruity"

I know that "fruity" has been somewhat reclaimed in recent years and some younger people reading this might think that I'm being too sensitive, but I'm sorry, a cishet woman straight up calling her ex-boyfriend a fruit really rubs me the wrong way. Especially after all the songs where she's whining about how "sensitive" he is. Just call him a real slur at this point.

I could see this song getting play on country radio if it was released as a single. Morgan Wallen drops like five whiskey-themed country singles a year and this is basically the female version of that.

House Tour

At this point the album felt like it'd been going on forever. When I heard upbeat synths I got very excited. A happy song after like ten sad/angry ones was like an oasis in a desert!

This one's okay I guess. Like I said, I like the synths. The little "take your shoes off" in the intro is also pretty cute. I feel like it could've been a lot better. They don't really go all the way with the concept, it feels kind of half-assed.

I hate to say it but... Ninja Sex Party did it better:

Goodbye

At long last, we've made it to the final track, Goodbye. I have mixed feelings on this one. I like the little piano strikes and the "ah-ha's", reminds me of ABBA. Considering how many slower songs are on this album I'm just glad it's somewhat upbeat.

The lyrics kind of annoy me. Oh no, God forbid someone wants to break up amicably and still be friends! 🙄 Compare it to the closing track on Short n' Sweet, Don't Smile, and I don't know, it just doesn't hit the same.

Such A Funny Way

But wait, the albums not over yet, we have a bonus track!

To be honest, I think I like this one more than some of the actual songs on the album. She actually describes some of the bullshit her ex did to her, not just petty stuff but real bullshit, it makes Sabrina seem a lot more sympathetic.

"Keep me far from friends and family, baby, that's just one of your quirks"

Not an amazing song, but not bad either.

Overall Thoughts

If I had to describe this album in one word it would be "rushed". A lot of the songs feel like first drafts. The album is very frontloaded. Sure, there are some highlights after the first two songs, but most of it is a huge slog.

I don't really like giving number scores, but if I had to, I'd probably give this one 4/10, below average.

For the record, I'd probably give Sabrina's previous album, Short n' Sweet, 7.5/10, above average, thoroughly enjoyable, but not amazing. Honestly, listening to Man's Best Friend makes me want to rate Short n' Sweet even higher. So many little things that I took for granted in that album. You truly don't know how good you have it until it's gone.

Is Man's Best Friend the worst album ever? Definitely not! But it's pretty underwhelming and I don't see myself returning to most of it. By contrast, I have many songs, even non-singles, from Short n' Sweet on heavy rotation.

Misc Notes

I don't really know where else to put this, but here's some more random/miscellaneous thoughts I have related to the album.

I literally just realized as I was sitting down to write this that the album does absolutely nothing with the "Man's Best Friend" title. Like, yes. Sabrina is a straight woman talking about her relationships with men, but so are most female artists. I know some promo pics show her holding puppies and the album art has her on her hands and knees like a dog, but that's all marketing.

What does she actually do with it artistically? Absolutely fucking nothing. She never calls herself a bitch. Never alludes to her (ex-)boyfriend being controlling by calling him her "owner" or "master". She can't even take the oh-so low hanging fruit of calling a dick a bone. Like, come on! It's right there! I can think of like five innuendos off the top of my head for that one!

I'm going to make an educated guess that since pop is a singles-oriented genre, maybe Sabrina's team just assumed no one would care about the non-singles. Why bother making all of the songs good when only some will get airplay anyway? Maybe they put all of their eggs in a few baskets with Manchild, Tears, and whatever else they plan on making the next single?

For the next single, I'm predicting Go Go Juice or maybe House Tour? Go Go Juice is a no-brainer. It's one of the more finished songs on the album, it'd be a waste not to release it. Barring that, House Tour is pretty upbeat, I could imagine them making a wacky, campy music video for it too. Fall is right around the corner, so maybe one of those slow songs I glazed over, but I hope not.

I remember a while back, I heard a rumor that the reason this album was coming out so soon (almost exactly a year to the date after the last one), was because someone was leaking (or threatening to leak) some of Sabrina's music, and her label wanted to get it out officially before it could be leaked. I have no idea if that's true, but after hearing all these songs I'm honestly inclined to believe it.

Of course, there are other reasons they might have rushed it out. Sabrina had a huge summer last year, maybe her label wants to capitalize on her while she's still relevant, even if that risks overexposing her. A lot of other pop artists are rumored to be dropping albums later this year/early next year, maybe they wanted her to hurry up and drop something now while things were still quiet and there's less competition.

I don't have a solid answer, and the general public probably never will. All I know is that her music isn't as good anymore and I'm disappointed.

Now if you don't mind, I think I have acquired Sabrina fatigue. I think it'll be a while before I'm able to listen to even her good songs again.