Autism and Literally Wearing a Mask

When most people talk about autism and masking they mean it in a metaphorical sense, but lately I've been thinking about it very literally.

During the pandemic I wore a mask every single time I left the house. Nowadays it's not as often, but still a lot more than most other people I know. I typically wear one when I know I'm going to be in a large crowd, like on public transportation, or if I'm getting over a cold.

About a month or so ago there was an outbreak of multiple diseases at my workplace and I decided to start wearing my facemask at work just to be safe. Today was the first day since then that I didn't wear it. I don't think I fully realized how much I needed it until I took it off. Not just for the obvious health reasons, but for social reasons too.

Whenever I'm not wearing it I'm obsessing over how my face looks. Am I smiling too much? Not enough? Is my expression appropriate for whatever we're talking about? It's exhausting having to constantly scan your body like this every second of the day.

But when I'm wearing it, all people can see is my eyes. Eyes can still be very expressive, of course, but unless you've really mastered your smize, your face probably isn't going to be as readable with half of it covered. It gives me one less thing to worry about, which is always nice.

No one's ever confronted me about it either. I don't think it's that weird, personally. I know a handful of people who never stopped wearing a mask because they're immunocompromised or something. I guess if someone did say something I'd just tell them I'm getting over a cold. I can't imagine it'd be a huge deal.